Building Resilience in Children

As our children grow they can face many challenges in life from learning new things, assessment at school, friendship challenges, moving home or school, getting braces, being sick and even welcoming new family members just to name a few. Life for them is not always stress-free, yet it is these stressors and the way they approach them in childhood which prepare them for the responsibilities of life as they move into teenage years and then into adult life.

When children face challenges and learn to problem solve them rather than just give up they develop resilience. Building resilience in children helps them see a challenge with the confidence that they can handle it, find solution and know how to ask for support when required. Having resilience helps to reduce anxiety and allow children to see the positive in life situations.

Children are not born with resilience, however we can help them develop it by following these tips.

1. Don’t accommodate every need. When we try to accommodate for every need of our children we are inhibiting them from developing problem solving abilities, this can lead to children become anxious rather than resilient.

2. Avoid eliminating all risk. We all want our children to be safe however becoming over protective has a negative impact on development. By allowing appropriate risk we teach children to know their limits and help them explore boundaries while still providing a safe place for them to come and seek help when required.

3. Teach them to problem-solve. Children who are not taught to problem solve often become worried about small issues, exams at school become bigger problems for them and they can stress for no reason. Teaching your child to brainstorm solutions and ideas that help them handle problems allows them to figure out what works and what doesn’t work and this can then be applied in all areas of life.

4. Avoid “why” questions. By changing the why in a question HOW we challenge our children to think of solutions for different situations in life for example asking " why did you do that " provides a reason by asking "how can we do this differently " ask them to problem solve for a solution that works better in the future. Don’t provide all the answers. Sometimes it feels easy to give the answer rather than try and explain things to our children, however by saying "I don’t know, what do you think, or how can we find that answer," prompts a child to explore possible answers and helps them develop a sense of inquire that builds greater problem solving skills in life.

5. Let your kids make mistakes. We learn from mistakes so allow them to happen. Teach your children that a mistake is not the end of the journey rather a part of it and they can search for better ways to do approach learning. Making mistakes helps for better decision making in the future so allow them to happen.

Remember it's not about not being there for your child, it is rather about teaching them how to handle uncertain situations and allowing them the space to think and find solutions, supporting them along the way and guiding them when they need extra help. Be patient with them as they develop these skills and help guide them along the way. Let them stumble and be with feeling and the emotions that go with these challenges. By you modelling your own resilience and teaching your child problem solving skills you are setting them up for life.